Is A Prenup Agreement A Good Idea?

You may be able to make a reasonable guess about the financial success of you and your fiancé(e), but the future is unknown. The best you can do is understand the marriage laws you will be subject to, think about the consequences, and decide on what -- if anything -- you want to do about it.

When You Get Married, You Are Making Several Big Decisions

You are deciding on the person you will spend your life with. And you are also deciding on the financial arrangement between the two of you for the length of your marriage. The difference is, most couples planning weddings tend to think a lot more about the former than the latter.

You spend time together, and in doing so, you determine if you're personally compatible and want to get married. It's a personal relationship, not a business one. But it certainly has a financial component.

The financial marriage rules kick in the moment you get married. You are not required to know anything about them. And you may only learn about them later, when something has gone wrong and it's too late to do anything about it.

What’s Wrong With the Standard Marriage Rules?

One of you may ask: "Why do you need to change the default rules? If they're the rules everyone uses, they must be the fairest. You must not think our marriage will last, so you want to hedge your bets. You're not all in."

The above are all valid concerns. There is an assumption by some that requesting a prenup shows a lesser commitment. But you may want to hold off on that assumption, at least until you understand what the default rules are.

If you do nothing, you are going to be subject to a set of rules that have been enacted by the California legislature. These are generic rules that are deemed fair to an average couple. If you're ok with them, then you may not require a prenup.

Raising the Issue of a Prenup May Be a Necessary Financial Discussion

If one of you raises the issue of a prenup and the other finds it mildly offensive or worse, you may want to work out that issue before getting married. You each probably have different ideas about what marriage means from a financial perspective.

How are you going to work out this issue? Saying you won't get married without a prenup or that you won't get married if you have to sign one isn't really getting to the real issues. You need to understand why each of you has such strong feelings either way.

If you can discuss your financial concerns together, you may not even need a prenup or you can create one that doesn't raise issues of trust and commitment. However, if you can't work these issues out, they will likely persist. And it means one of you is going to get married feeling dissatisfied with this aspect of your relationship from the get-go.

In the End, You’re Making Your Best Guess About an Unknown Future

You hope your marriage will last a lifetime. But you don't know for sure. It's unlikely many couples think their marriage will end in divorce, but it happens often enough. Do you want to plan for that possible future, just in case? Is a prenup the way to do it?

Your thoughts about money and marriage may be based on the circumstances in your life today. But your financial resources, income prospects, and health might be very different in the future. How much should you consider this in thinking about a prenup agreement?

It's a good idea to know what you're getting yourself into. Then you can apply your prediction about the future to make the best decision for your situation.